Do you have kids who are trying to run out of the room, refuse to come to story time, or otherwise resist joining the group?
This is a VERY COMMON phenomenon in toddler, preschool and kindergarten classrooms...and even in the older years.
Especially at the beginning of the school year.
It's perhaps especially common this year when so many young children are joining in-person early childhood classrooms for the first time in their lives.
And it's undoubtedly especially common for those who have experienced real hardship and trauma during the last year or two.
I am getting all sorts of emails about this, hearing it from my teacher friends, and several of our TCB Teachers' Club members have shared stories like this last month and this month.
If you have children running off or resisting joining the group right now in your classroom you're probably justifiably worried about safety first and foremost. What if she runs out of the classroom and down the hall? What if I can't see him behind the shelf? What if other children get pushed or shoved in his frantic attempt to push away?
Secondly, you may be concerned because you see part of your job as getting children ready for future schooling and learning to follow directions, join the group and pay attention to the teacher are all skills needed to succeed in school.
Question: have you ever signed up for a training or class...or even gone to a social event or family gathering and you arrived only to find it involved some activity that you did not expect and don't want to do?
Maybe one of these...
you arrive at a professional development day and the minute the training starts the trainer wants you to put down your coffee and stand up to play a game🥤
you go to your in-laws for a holiday meal and you're horrified to discover that they include a sing-along in their annual tradition...and you're expected to sing! 🎤
you sign up for a yoga class and it turns out it's the kind of yoga that involves *dancing* (#WhoEvenKnewThisWasAThing #YogaDancing!? #HappenedToMe #GetMeOuttaHere 😱)
you join some new friends for a get-together and you're disappointed that the event is more focused on drinking than you like...or, you're disappointed because there's not a drink in the house! 😳
What strategy do you use to cope when you wind up somewhere in a group of people and it takes a turn that you truly have little to no desire to be a part of?
(...or, maybe you'd love to sing or dance and join in but you're intimidated or slow to warm up).
Do you go to the bathroom and/or keep refilling your water bottle so you have an excuse to step away?
Do you play on your phone or pretend to take an important call?
Or, do you just push through and join in desire the lack of desire to do so?
Do you high tail it out of there pretending something came up?
What if the activity happening is SO unappealing or upsetting to you that you kind of start to stress out or even panic? Maybe it brings up something upsetting or even traumatic from your past.
Well, when kids resist joining you on the rug, try to run out of the room, or otherwise avoid joining the group that is the early childhood version of the adult don't-make-me-dance, I-didn't-sign-up-for-games, get me outta here scenarios described above.
Now, maybe there are great benefits to joining the group.
But, despite the long-range benefits, how about we give people time to warm up?
What if, especially in these first weeks of school, you have 22 kids on the rug, 1 ran off to the block corner, and 1 more is having an unnecessary and very long chit-chat with your assistant in the bathroom...and maybe that's ok?
What if everyone is getting exactly what they need in that scenario and this does not mean you will be sending any morning-meeting-avoiders off to kindergarten next summer? Next summer is a long way off and maybe this is precisely what is needed to get those two children comfortable in your classroom and on the path to school success.
Here are my top 3 tips for supporting children who don't want to join the group:
Make sure you have a cozy corner that children can retreat to. Yes, this is for them to use when they are upset, and you can use a puppet or doll to show them that the cozy corner is also a great place to go before they get upset when they just want a few minutes alone.
If a child runs off or won't join the group but they are safe, let them be. This can be especially supportive during the first weeks of school. If you are singing a good morning song with each child's name or do something else where everyone gets a turn, you can still include them and let them chime in from across the room if they want.
Notice the child's interests and use those interests to form a connection at other times of day. Sit on the rug and build Legos silently next to them tomorrow, even if just for 3-5 minutes. Ask about their super hero shirt or cool car sneakers at drop off. Bond with them over the junkiest junk food in their lunch. Connecting with a child through their interests will help you build a trusting relationship with them over time and you might just find they start joining you and the group!
To close, I have two bits of good news related to this topic...
First, when given time and space to avoid activities, most children will come around on their own...and some will come around quick! For example, we recently had someone in our TCB Teachers' Club share that she let a child skip circle time during the first days of school...and then the child joined on his own the next day!
Second, this is the work. I know it can be frustrating when a child doesn't come to circle time but figuring out how to support children who start school standoff-ish and getting curious about what might be going on is one of THE most important parts of your job. Breathe. Take your time. Trust the process. Trust yourself. You'll get there. Nobody's doing anything wrong.
Most of us have had times in our lives where we just want to clutch our coffee and hide in the corner or pretend we have an important call to take outside.
And that's OK.
Thank you for the work that you do.
Want to share a time you hid in the bathroom at a party or what's happening with the group-time-avoiders in your class?
Please let me know in the comments below -I’m all ears!
Trouble getting kids to the rug for circle time?
Learn how to prepare the children in your class to transition smoothly into Circle Time and other activities with our Transform Your Transitions Online Course.
