In my early childhood special education training I learned to give children words.

At the center I was working at during this time we typically told children to “use their words”.

In theory “use your words” is great.

But what if the child doesn’t know what words to use?

Layer on that they might be UPSET so their brain is not able to process hearing our words. Plus, registering the idea of using their words (vs their hands) and then coming up with the right words for the moment…and then actually using those words?

Woah, that’s a lot!

If the child also has a language or cognitive delay…or has difficulty processing? Forget it!

Instead of saying “use your words” I learned to say something like:

“Jeremy, tell Arthur, ‘I’m using it.’”

By giving him the words he needs Jeremy can simply repeat exactly what I said.

Now maybe Arthur also gets upset or looks like he’s going to grab the truck from Jeremy anyway. I can coach Arthur in the interaction too, “Arthur, I see you reaching for the truck Jeremy’s using. Ask Jeremy, “can I have the truck?”

Then, I’ll grab a second truck, hand it to Jeremyand say, “Jeremy, tell Arthur, ‘here’s a truck’”.

Here’s the deal. Yes this is a different truck but when children grab or say they want a toy often what they actually want is the social interaction.

You might be surprised that when you give children the exact words to use and give them toys to hand to each other…even the most stubborn of children are sometimes satisfied!

What do you think?

Let me know whether you do this currently and what your thoughts and questions are in the comments below.