Is this a behavior you are currently struggling with or have previously struggled with..
...the child who wants what he wants when he wants it and there is no reasoning with him or her?
What about a child who says things that aren't true?
Maybe they say there is a pink unicorn in their yard.
(How cool would that be!?)
At first glance a child wanting what they want when they want it or insisting there's a pink unicorn in their yard may not appear similar in any way.
But to me they are.
My #1 guiding principle in responding to children is to meet them where they're at and to respond playfully when I can.
I would use this guiding principle to respond to both a child insisting she wants what she wants (such as to play with the fire truck when someone else is using it or when it's not play time) or who says there is a pink unicorn in his yard.
When I use that principle to guide me in responding to any child desire or in responding to "lies" and other fantasies the first strategy I use is simple:
I simply repeat back to the child what they have said.
"Oh...wow, you have a pink unicorn in your yard!?"
Optional playful add-on I might use could be: "...how cool is that!?" or "...that's so neat and actually I have a BLUE unicorn in my yard!"
When I do this it does a couple of things...
It lets the child know I've heard them. It invites them to elaborate if they want to.
It can also often allow me to avoid an unnecessary power struggle about whether or not the pink unicorn story is true! 'Cause we've *definitely* got to pick our battles....especially with children who we experience as "defiant" or who we find ourselves in power struggles with on the daily.
And, when we repeat their pink unicorn claim we are also nurturing children's pretend play and imagination skills! That's even something you can note in assessment tools like the TSG or DRDP that measure pretend play skills as part of cognitive development.
Yep, folks, we can work on those assessment milestones AND de-escalate possible behavior problems at the same time (but more on that later!)
Now, for the child who wants what they want when they want it...I might say, "I see you REALLY want the fire truck that Benjamin is using." Or, "I know you don't want to clean up. I saw you playing with the fire truck - that was really fun, huh?"
This doesn't always immediately solve your problem. But it gives you a minute to catch your breath and decide on what you're going to do next.
And, sometimes it DOES do the trick! You may need to silent stand by for a bit or repeat what you said in different ways a few times but sometimes it de-escalates and defuses and you're done.
So, this week could you try using this strategy of repeating a child's words back to them out this week and report back?
Or, maybe you're already using it - If so, I want to hear about it!
Remember, we're not talking here about just any old use of the repetition strategy.
I am specifically recommending it as something you can use to avoid power struggles or other types of challenging behavior (and we all know those power struggles can escalate to hitting, kicking and full blown temper tantrums).
Share your experience of using the strategy of repeating back the child's words during difficult times the comments below.
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*Note: for those that get evaluated using the CLASS teacher-child interaction assessment system using the strategies of repeating the child's words and "elaborating" on them will both score 'ya some good points on the CLASS!