How about this week we talk about swear words and throwing chairs?

I wrote this piece based on this question:

“Just a question in the instance of a child who wants something, is asked to wait for another child to finish with it and then said child begins calling everyone [SWEARWORD NAMES] and begins throwing chairs at children and staff?”

Great question!

Despite it being super common, I recommend AGAINST telling this child to wait their turn next time this comes up.

Why? Because it clearly is not helping the situation.

As I probably don't need to tell you, a lot of children are set off by being told what to do or what not to do.

Sometimes it's a child who has experienced some trauma and who is "triggered" by being told what to do or almost any time they feel out of control.

For other children it might just be their personality.

So, what to do instead?

Repeat Leo's words.

Tomorrow, can you try this strategy before Leo gets physical?

(You can also do this when a child is being aggressive to de-escalate things).

"Leo, I see you realllllly want that fire truck."

(You can also do it with non-verbal children by guessing what they want).

Start there. Stay there. Don't move on too quickly. Sit in the silence. Maybe repeat it a few times. Calmly. Confidently. Maybe you put your body in between the two children if you know things tend to escalate with Leo.

Then...depending on Leo's language and cognitive abilities you could say:

"Leo, tell Jeremy, 'I want a turn."
"Leo, ask Jeremy, 'can I have it?'"
"Leo, you want the fire truck and Jeremy's playing with it, what should we do?"

Your goal: to try to help Leo communicate what he wants to others.

I am NOT saying Jeremy has to give up the fire truck! But we need to make sure the child who wants it knows how to ask for what they want and gets practice asking.

From there, see what Jeremy does. Sometimes Jeremy is done or doesn't mind giving Leo a turn. If so, great! Leo got to practice asking for what he wants with a positive result.

What if you've done that already or Leo already asked and Jeremy said no before you arrived on the scene?

There are a lot of different ways you could go. High Scope programs use a 6-step conflict resolution process. Some programs use a timer. Others might create a list of who wants to play with the truck next - that way Jeremy could play as long as he wants but Leo knows he will get a turn, too.

I can't tell you exactly what to do next without knowing more about you, your program, your philosophy/curriculum, and the specific children in the scenario.

My purpose in this blog post is simply to make sure you're not skipping a step!

Are you repeating the child's words so that they know you understand their desire?

Our job in this situation is to help Leo navigate the world successfully.

I'm not saying to let him do whatever he wants.

I am saying to be on his team (and every child's team) and to coach him through navigating the world as he tries to get his wants and needs met.

To start that coaching process repeat his words and help him ask for what he wants.

If things are escalating you may need to say something like, "I can't let you throw that. I'm here to help you. I see you're angry and you really really want that truck," while putting your body in-between two children (sorry!)

This is NOT the moment for talking about better ways to behave, sharing, taking turns or being nice.

Start with repeating Leo's words or putting words to what you see happening or what you think he wants.

Make sense? Let me know in the comments below!

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Also, you have more than one fire truck, right? 🤞🏻