Let’s talk about empathy.

I hear a lot of teachers respond to children who hit or take toys by saying things like:

“How do you think that made her feel?”

Do you and your coworkers use that strategy?

This typically ONLY works with children who already have developed empathy.

Which is not all preschoolers.

In fact, the skill of empathizing with how others feel is typically developed during and after the preschool years.

In fact some adults seem to lack this skill, especially when they’re upset, right?

So the VERY common strategy and response “How do you think that made her feel?” typically only works with the most emotionally mature preschoolers…in their most regulated states.

Yikes!

Empathy actually develops in young children by them first learning to recognize and express their own emotions.

And, like learning anything new, developing empathy works best when a child is in a calm, regulated state. Not after they just hit or grabbed and the teacher comes over to talk to them.

So, I think we need to rethink how and when we strive to teach children empathy in preschool.

Or at least rethink the use of the “How do you think that made her feel?” strategy.

This is especially true for those preschoolers who become easily dysregulated and who use aggressive behaviors when they are upset.

What thoughts and questions do you have on this?

Let me know in the comments below.